Oopss...

He met me after class, in a discreet corner, away from other participants. After all, he himself was not a participant, but rather an observer.

"Puan, yang saya belajar, kalau ada turun gaji, macam ini simulasinya..."
He went on to explain what he'd learned, which was different from what I understood.

"Oh, but what I shared in the class is what I was taught by, hmm, I can't remember who. But that was what I remember. Anyway, I'll check on it. Thank you"

This morning I check it out with two persons - my desk officer and a more senior officer.

He was right.
I made a mistake.
In front of more than 30 headmasters/headmistresses.
Oopss...

Called the organizer.
Explained that I wanted to apologize for making a mistake.
And I explained the real method for him.
He double checked it by citing an example.
I confirmed it.

"Terima kasih puan telefon. Pagi ini bila penceramah lain bercerita macam lain, dah ramai yang keliru. Puan telefon dan jelaskan ini, maknanya samalah dengan apa yang penceramah pagi ini cakap"

Ouch!


* Note to self - next time, stick to the topic given to be on the safe side, and if I want to venture out of the topic a bit, make sure that I'm really well-versed in it. Like - really, really sure.

*More note to self - it's good to have junior officer who cares enough to double check on stuff because the one in a more senior position is not always right. The service could do with having more officers like Norwin.

*One more note to self - if one made a mistake, don't be afraid to admit it and apologize. It might help make things easier for others even without one realizing it.

Tatkala berjauhan*

(* dengan apologi untuk Kak Lela sebab tiru tajuk mula dengan 'tatkala')

We were 24.
She was pregnant with her first child.
Her husband had to go else where for an assignment.
That morning, her eyes were puffy.
From crying too much

"But he would only be gone for how long? 2? 3 nights?"

"Yes, but you don't understand.
I want him to be my side.
I need him to be my side"

"But you've been on your own for over 23 years without him by your side..."

"You don't understand. Only when you're married, you would understand..."

#####

Fast forward 6 years later.
I was pregnant and hubby was not beside me most of the time.
I don't remember having puffy eyes from too much crying because I missed hubby so much.
And it was not an easy pregnancy, what with me being consistently nauseous until the very morning I gave birth.

Then, 11 days after I gave birth, I left Huzaifah with Mak and Ayah.
Hubby was still attending his KPLI course in Terengganu.
I went to Tokyo alone.
Hubby and Huzaifah only joined me 6 months later.
Still, I don't remember having puffy eyes from too much crying because I missed hubby so much.
In fact I remember thinking that I missed my baby more than my hubby.

So what my friend said to me - about understanding her crying until she got puffy eyes because she missed her husband who was away from home for 2-3 nights - eluded me.

#####

Last week, hubby went to Melaka on Saturday, and returned on Sunday evening.
Sunday evening, I took the kids and bibik to P.D. not long after hubby reached home.
But I made it a point to wait for hubby before leaving because I thought he would only get to see us after he's back from Kedah on Thursday.
Monday morning, hubby went to Kedah to join one "panel hakim yang arif lagi bijaksana" in a Majlis Tilawah Al-Quran for "special education" students.
Monday night we returned from P.D.

Tuesday morning, as I entered the office, one EO asked me, "Nanti Puan pergi Melaka ye Khamis ni?"
"Hah?"
I said no, I didn't know anything about going to Melaka, and usually my EO advised me beforehand about my outstation assignments.

Turned out that during my absence on Monday,
it was decided by upper management for me to give a talk on Thursday in Melaka.
Followed by attending a retreat held in the same hotel until Saturday.
Which means, hubby won't be seeing us on Thursday after all.
We will only see each other on Saturday, insya Allah

#####

No, I still don't feel like crying until my eyes went puffy.
I guess I might not be able to understand what my friend felt 10 years ago after all.
Funny thing is, when ever hubby and I are apart like we are now,
I tend to remember the lyrics from one Westlife song...

Just close your eyes

And you'll be here with me

Just look to your heart

And that's where I'll be

If you just close your eyes

Till you're drifting away

You'll never be too far from me

If you close your eyes

And I know that I've learned the meaning of "sendiri tapi tak sunyi"

Ping Pong - the pics

Remember how 'teruja' I was last time I played ping-pong?
Here are some pictures of that night.
Proof that I grinned all night long - after 8 years of not playing.

By the way Mida, if one turns partially sideways to the camera, planting one foot in front of the other, it might help making one looks thinner - so please don't be deceived by the second photo, hehehe...

Baby Haniyya's new skill

Baby Haniyya has just acquired a new skill.
He now could roll over.
Intentionally (it had happened as 'accidents' before)
Which, right now, merely 2 days after he was circumcised, is not a good thing.
He was circumcised by one Dr Rol (Khairul? Amirul? Azrul?) in Al-Islam Medical Center, formerly known as Kampung Baru Medical Center last Wednesday.
I was in the operation room when they did the 'procedure' on him
It took more than an hour to calm him down after that.
He ended sleeping while "tersedu-sedu".
Must have hurt pretty bad.
Poor baby.
The crying/wailing was really heartbreaking
Poor, poor baby.
(Note to self - next time we want to circumcise a baby boy, do it during the pantang period)

Back to his newly acquired skill.
So he would roll over.
And cried.
Put back in the 'normal' position of lying on his back.
And he would roll over again.
And cried.
It's a vicious circle.

Still, he could meniarap now.
That's a milestone.
Alhamdulillah!

Did I hate weddings?

"How did you feel when you went to your friends' wedding as a single?"

"Huh?"

"Did you feel jealous or envious or...?"

"Nooo... Hahaha, why should I feel jealous or envious???"

#####

The way I remember it, I loved going to weddings.
I'm sure Zarin could testify to this. We'd attended so many kenduri's together.
I guess I just enjoyed sharing the happiness of others during the 'big day'.
Back then I could not afford buying expensive gifts, but I believed that being in presence in itself is almost like a present to the couple.

Anyway, weddings make great "mini reunions" - to catch up with others you otherwise don't get to see often.
Other people's wedding receptions could be a good place to start making observations in planning one's own kenduri. You know - stuff like, "make sure there is food for guests who arrive after 4 p.m. even if lauk kenduri is already finished", or "no sound to come blasting from the stereo during azan", or simply "flowergirls should change into 'normal' clothes as soon as the perarakan is over"

No, I don't hate weddings even when I was single and have reached that certain age when nosy people keep pesking "so, when is your turn?"
(The couple should know that they mean a lot to me if I could anticipate those unwanted questions and still drive a long way or even took a flight just to attend their wedding.)
When I attended a wedding as a single, I don't remember feeling jealous or envious of the bride.
I only wished (to no avail) that I would not be asked "so, when are you going to get married?" by others so often.

Anyway, I also remember my automatic answer being "cuti sekolah" or if asked further, "cuti sekolah bulan 12".
I supposed I must have said that more than 40 times because you know what?
I did get married during school holiday in December.
(The automatic answer to the dreaded question could have been a prayer of sort, after all)
So there.

Cuti-cuti di PD

When we returned to Malaysia late last year, one of the place we visited not long after Raya was PD. We went there together with MIL and third SIL's family.
Last month, during the long weekend of Labor Day, at a last minute notice, my brother Abang, called me up and invited us along with Mak and Ayah to spend the weekend at PD
Last week, as hubby and I realized that we had not bring the kids cuti-cuti elsewhere during the mid-year school holidays, we brought them to (where else but) - PD

#####

When I was small, once in a while, arwah Tok Ayah would take the whole clan - my then still single uncles and aunts and me to Penang. Tok sometimes would invite her brother Tok Chik to join the picnic. Arwah Tok Chik is closer to Ayah's age and his eldest son is my age, so I would have kids my own age to play with. Sometimes, Tok would invite her other brother, Tok Teh, to join the picnic.

As they grew older and began having their own atomic families, my uncles and aunts would go for picnic together in Penang every once in a while. The parents would reminisce their younger days while the kids were busy making their own sweet memories...

Turned out hubby's family too is fond of the beach. Only it's a different one. Since Ayah's family comes from the north, Penang was an obvious spot of choice. Where else, hubby's family lives not that far from Port Dickson, making PD their obvious spot of choice.

#####

I know, I know.
PD is crowded, not as beautiful as it used to be, not as clean as it used to be and might not be the best place to go cuti-cuti.
Still, by looking at my kids' faces enjoying themselves running on the beach, playing with the floaties, tasting the sea water, welcoming the drift of the waves, splashing the water at each other and simply basking in the sun, I couldn't help thinking that (despite all the haze, thinning ozone layer and what nots) there's still something magical about the beach after all...

#####

Mak betul

"But you never told me that your Mak is not actually your mother"
She was surprised to find out that Mak is not my biological mother.

"So, mak betul you kat mana?," she asked.

Mak betul?
As in my actual mother or my biological mother?

"Mak tu mak betul I lah. Ummi tu mak kandung I."

She was stunned.

#####

I don't know why most people co-relate stepmothers with evilness. I guess that's the reason I don't go around telling others that Mak is my stepmother. I especially dislike it when people make comment such as "tapi Mak you tak macam mak tiri pun".

What does that mean? Does that mean that Mak, as a stepmother must be evil like those stepmothers in folklores? And it's universal too - stepmothers have been described negatively be it in "Cinderella" or "Bawang Putih Bawang Merah".

The stereotyped stepmothers are supposed to be mean, jealous of the child or the child's former mother, unfair in treatment and basically bad, bad, bad. So much so that the Malays describe the act of discriminating as "menganak tirikan"

#####

Muslims have been taught to make do'a for our parents after solat since we were small. The common do'a means "Oh Allah, forgive me for all my sins and forgive all my parents' sins, and show Your mercy upon them as they have shown their mercy for me when I was little"

In my do'a, I used "waliwalidiina" (parents), instead of "waliwalidaina" (two parents). Because I want to make do'a not only for my two biological parents, but also to extend the same love and courtesy to my non-biological parent, Mak. It is a 'standing order' of some sort - that when I make do'a for "waliwalidiina' then I pray that the do'a will also includes Mak.

#####

What Is A Mother?

A mother is someone to shelter and guide us,
To love us, whatever we do,
With a warm understanding and infinite patience
And wonderful gentleness, too.
How often a mother means swift reassurance
In soothing our small, childish fears,
How tenderly mothers watch over their children
And treasure them all through the years!
The heart of a mother is full of forgiveness
For any mistake, big or small,
And generous always in helping her family,
Whose needs she has placed above all.
A mother can utter a word of compassion
And make all our cares fall away,
She can brighten a home with the sound of her laughter
And make life delightful and gay.
A mother possesses incredible wisdom
And wonderful insight and skill
In each human heart is that one special corner
Which only a mother can fill!

- Katherine Nelson Davis

#####

If you asked me, the image of the mother (as referred to in the poem) in my mind is Mak.

If you asked me, my "mak betul" is Mak.
To me, she is my actual mother, who did and still do, all the mothering (and grandmothering too)

How critical it is?

Dear Jaja,

You asked me how many kilograms I have gained.
Well, to put it simply - a lot.

Look at it this way.
Back when I was in secondary school my BMI was always below 18.
I could eat a lot and would never gain a pound.
I thought I would never be 'va-va-voom' in any way, I was just too skinny.

Then, as I left high school, I began to gain a bit.
My BMI back then was about 20.
My weight was considered normal and I was glad.

When you knew me back in the old office, by then my BMI was about 21.
I could still eat a lot without putting on weight.
I guess my metabolism rate at that time was quite high, kot.

When I was in Tokyo, after giving birth to Huzaifah and even after giving birth to Humaidi,
my BMI remained at 22-24.
It might have to do with the fact that I used to cycle or walk here and there.
I was also living on the 5th floor with no elevator, so yes, I guess 'exercise' was part of my daily routine whether or not I took it as exercise.

When I returned from Tokyo, I was pregnant with Haniyya.
And I found myself craving for all kind of food and I gained weight "tak hengat punya".
And you know how difficult it is to shed some pounds after giving birth.
Especially if one is breastfeeding.
Now my dear Jaja, my BMI is 27.9
Yes, I'm overweight.

Weight is one thing. Fitness is another.
I know I'm not fit right now.
And not being fit means I get tired easily and find it difficult to cope with two boisterous toddlers and one baby.
So, I know I have to do something about it.
Immediately.

So, I've taken up your advise to start walking.
Walking, cycling and stair climbing - all in all in about 45 minutes.
Plus some gym exercise especially meant to target the abs, upper leg and back areas.
I've heard that it's easier to get into a new exercise regime when you have an exercise partner,
thus I'm glad my hubby is giving his support by going to gym together.
We are trying to commit ourselves to two nights per week, which I think is doable.
And in between I would try to do light exercises at home.

It's okay if it takes time to shed some pounds.
I'm not looking for immediate results.
Otherwise I might as well take up all those slimming programs offered by 'slimming centres'
Hubby and I are taking this as a personal challenge of sort.
When we were in Tokyo, we used to ask ourselves what we would do to prevent our muscles from turning into fat.
Hubby got himself a foldable mountain bike (which was also a farewell gift from Koseki-san, the detective who used to visit us a lot in Masjid Asakusa) as an incentive to continue exercising in Malaysia - but he rarely use it.
So, now we are trying to discipline ourselves to go to the gym at least two nights a week - to lose weight and to get fitter.
Please make do'a for us that we'll stay focused and committed, and I believe I'll be asking for tips from you, from time to time.

P/S: Kit, it's not that I think I look bad. It's just that I need to be more active to keep up with the boys - and you know how lasak my boys can be...

Let's go to the gym

"No, you don't go and waste your money on buying those exercise machine. You will end up not using it because you can always tell yourself that there'll be time for you to use it later, but you'll never use it. You'll never make time. If you want to start exercising, you can start by brisk walking or jogging. You don't have to buy an exercise machine."

So said Mak, a big fan of "The Biggest Loser", the reality tv show on people losing their weight.
Well, I must admit that I'm facing a weight issue right now. And the idea of buying an exercise machine to kickstart an exercise regime of sort did hit my head.

"My dear Kak, you don't need to spend a single sen. You already have sports attire. You already have suitable shoes. You just need to push yourself. Just get up and get out of the house, don't keep lazing around sleeping or doing nothing..."

Well, you know how it is with people who are not THAT motivated yet - there are always excuses...
Why don't I jog in the morning?
Because there are anjing liar in the vicinity in early morning.
Why don't I jog in the evening?
Because it's near maghrib by the time I reach home and tak elok keluar waktu maghrib-maghrib, kan.
Yes, I know.
Excuses, excuses.

Anyway, we've just joined a health related program which allow us to make use of gymnasium and swimming pool facilities for a long time. It's not that near yet not so far from Putrajaya. Hubby is thinking of going to the gym regularly. I told him I would like to go with him too. When we went there yesterday, it was not crowded at all. From the eye of an amateur, the equipments there seem sufficient to help me shed some pounds off, including working on toning specific 'target areas'. And it might be fun to work out with and along hubby.

So, let's go to the gym, and we'll see how things go, yeah?
Now, hubby and I just need to motivate ourselves to get up and get out of the house...

(Pst pst, Dikja, tolong... need tips and recommendations on gym-related exercises...)

Ping Pong

Friday, returned home earlier than usual.
Had a friendly ping-pong match with Petaling District Office, held in Subang, next to Subang Parade
Was the only female player in the team.
Hadn't played ping-pong for about 8 years.

"Takpa puan, kalau puan dah ada asas tu ok dah tu. Bahagian lain ramai (peserta wanita) yang pertama kali main," or so I was told by the Kapitan.

The inter-departmental ping-pong tournament in the office will begin soon. Since our department had already won a few other tournaments, the Kapitan for ping-pong team feels that we should also win (or at least be among the top 3 in) the inter-departmental tournament.

Being the only female player, I was asked to play in the mixed double. I said okay. Long, long ago, I always preferred playing single, but there's no 'female single' in the team - two male singles, two male doubles and one mixed double. So there.

Anyway, (after much cajoling) hubby accompanied me to Subang, to attend the event. Met up with Nana, the female player in Petaling District Office team. And had lots of fun playing ping-pong that night. My partner and I lost our game, but our team won the match 3-2.

"Puan kata dah tak main 8 tahun, tapi tengok ok je," my partner commented.

I grinned. "Betul saya dah lama tak main. Kalau tak, mungkin ada harapan kita boleh menang, hehehe"

True, I need to do lots of training to get back 'the touch'. Just bought a pen-hold ping-pong bat the other day because I'm hopeless with double sided bat. I did not buy a Nittaku bat, since Jusco only had Stiga bats in stock, which was okay with me so long as it's a pen-hold bat.

"Turun la Aras 1, kita training tiap-tiap petang," he continued.

"Insya Allah. Saya pun memang kena rajin practise balik ni... Dah lama sangat tinggalkan, nak kena pick up balik skill lama"

It's something like riding a bicycle. You might not forget how to do it, but doing it after so long of no practice does not necessarily means you can be good at it immediately.

Still, after 8 years of not playing, I had a lot of fun that night, playing on "suka-suka" basis with Nana.
Memang suka lah!

Trivia:
I started playing ping-pong when I was 11. I was in my primary school team as a reserved player.
Ping-pong is one of two games I really play - the other being field hockey. I can play badminton as a social player, played netball for my old office as a 'bidan terjun', hopeless at volleyball, even more hopeless at basketball.
My two brothers are not bad at ping-pong too. Adik especially, since he used to play for the district at state level when he was in primary school (the same primary school I attended)

5 tahun dah?

"Look Again" turned 5 years old today.

5 years.
Honestly, it doesn't feel like I've been blogging that long.
And actually, when I miscarried, I felt like stopping this blog too.
But now I'm glad I didn't stop blogging.
I started this blog to seek some self-satisfaction, some comfort in knowing that my voice is heard, my thoughts are shared...

#####

When we were in Dungun, we first got a double room villa.
One room is a twin room, while the other equipped with a double bed.
We had to share one bathroom which Mak described as "macam bilik air rumah tumpangan Ah Seng".
There was a spacious "living area", the reason for which why we were charged RM250, where else a standard room would only cost RM100.
Mak asked for a change - so that we could be assigned to two standard rooms, each with its own bathroom (but no 'living area', which were fine with me since having such area only means bigger space for Huzaifah & Humaidi to 'lompat-panjat-guling-guling', and cause headache for the adults).
There were vacancies, so we moved into two standard rooms, with air-conditioning that worked better than the ones in the earlier 'villa' and better bathrooms too.

"I don't understand why you didn't complain and asked for a change sooner," Mak said. We waited to see if the air-cond would turn cooler first before asking for the 'transfer' into standard rooms. And there were no intercom/in-house phone, so we had to walk a few blocks to the reception area to ask for the 'transfer'.

"It takes so little to please you, Kak"

"Which could be seen as a positive or negative trait under different circumstances," I replied.

#####

It's true.
It doesn't take much to please me.
I've been blogging for 5 years.
I've shared part of my life - since I was single until I'm a mother of three.
I've shared some tips as a Muslim Malaysian living in Tokyo, Japan.
I've shared some tips on how to score in PAC (this entry is one of Look Again's all-time top hits entry)
I only have 5 followers (1 for each year?),
but I'm pleased.
I know I'm not in any way a "blogger tegar",
but I guess I've found my own niche audience,
and for that I'm grateful.
Alhamdulillah.

Demanding beggars

Kak Lela's musings on this remind me of my own experience meeting a few demanding beggars in Tokyo.

#####

One is a repeated case.

We met Abe-san for the first time in Ramadhan. He came to Asakusa Mosque at about Maghrib. I remember spending a long time answering and responding to his many queries on Islam. He said something along the line of "I like Islam because Muslim helps each other, Muslims are asked to be generous in charity". He said that he's thinking of converting and promised to return to the mosque a few days after Eid for formal conversion. Towards the end of our conversation, he asked for 10,000 yen to help him settle some bills and rent

10,000 yen. That's more than RM300.

Hubby looked at I. I looked back at him. We did not dare to use the mosque's money, so we gave him our own money. With husnun zan, we gave him 2,000 yen. We invited him for dinner which he gladly accepted.

Since then there were several subsequent visits. Everytime he came, he would ask for some amount of money - ranging from 5,000 to 10,000 yen- which he claimed he needed for electricity bills, for water bills, for rental. The last time he came, he even asked for 2000 yen so that he could get new passport sized photographs (since we need 2 passport sized photos for New Muslim certificate). The amount we gave him subsided from 2,000 yen to just 500 yen. I remember telling him that he didn't need 2000 yen for passport sized photographs, he could find a passport photo-producing kiosk nearby which charged only 500 yen, so that's all we would give him.

He never returned since then. But the most memorable thing I remember about Abe-san was that he never turned down any offer for meal at our house. He even ate a tamar (date) unpitted once to our amazement.

#####

Then, there's the case of one drunken guy posing as Muslim asking for money, food and shelter.

That night, Faizly, hubby, the kids and I returned from some place (mana aah, tak ingat pulak, but it was late and we were really tired), we found a man in the stairs area. I can't remember what exactly the nihonjin wanted, but I remember being the one who suggested for him to go up to our house on the fifth floor. Faizly, who acted as the spokeperson made a face but I didn't realize it until later, when I get to be near the man myself. He smelled really 'hamis', the smell of a drunkard.

He claimed that he was a Muslim, saying his name was so and so (I-can't-remember-what-but-it-definitely-did-not-sound-like-a-true-Muslim-name). Claimed that it was late and he needed to go back to some place quite far and he didn't have any money. He asked for 5000 yen as 'tambang'.

5000 yen. That's more than RM150

I remember Faizly tried telling him no nicely, that we could not afford giving him that much. He insisted. And kept on insisting.

Finally we said we could give him 1,000 yen. And no, he could not spend the night in the mosque, since we only allow those who got permission from the ICOJ committee to spend a night in the mosque.

"Can I stay at your place then?"

"NOOOO...", Faizly and I answered simultaneously. No way I was going to let that smelly drunkard spending a night in our house.

It was cold outside and he kept talking so that he could be inside our home longer. He asked for food, we took pity on him and cooked him a bowl of instant noodle (we already had dinner outside). He kept on asking if we could allow him to stay in the house for the night after he finished the instant noodle.

By then Faizly was beginning to get mad at him (we were tired after all and it was getting really late).

"Please take the 1000 yen and leave. Or do you want me to call the police nearby to ask you to leave?"

Upon hearing the word 'keisatsu' (police), kelam-kabut he left after that.

So there, our brush with "demanding beggars" in Tokyo. I guess it might be true that beggars in bigger cities could be more 'demanding' than their counterparts in smaller cities, after all.

Macam dulu-dulu

I had to go to Dungun, until Monday.
He had to go to Ipoh, until Thursday.
C'est la vie.
We knew before that this is what in store for a family with two working parents

He misses the kids.
It's good that Huzaifah is becoming better at 'sembang-sembang', but Humaidi still looks confused everytime the phone (on speaker mode) is passed to him.
Like he's wondering "how did Ayah manage to get into such a small thing to talk to me?".
On the other hand, when he is in the mood to 'mengoceh', Humaidi uses a lot of thing as imaginary telephone - his dad's shoe brush, the TV remote control or a toy. He would happily says "hello" and smiles before he starts babbling away.

Anyway, back to the kids' dad.
He sent 'miss u' sms, and gave missed calls in the middle of the night.
Just to make me smile. And smile I did. A lot.

They said that to keep gluing a family together, it's good for the spouses to be away from each other every now and then.
So that absence makes the heart grow fonder - not out of sight, out of mind.
I know that it works for us - it's been awhile since we last sent 'miss u' sms or missed calls to each other.
And now, those little things make me smile.
We might be away from each other, but our thoughts are with each other.
And we can't wait to see each other again.
Can't wait to just be with each other again.

Macam dulu-dulu

Ole-ole dari Terengganu

Jue,

Saja nak usik hang, tengok kecur ke tak...

Dodol, dodol pandan, lempuk durian

Keropok Lekor (cicah dah abih)

Kuih Semar aka Sarang Burung

Nak bisnes ke tak?

(Note: Mak's musing on Huzaifah's and Humadi's antics on the car can be read here)

It was frustrating.

I found a nice pair of pyjamas, in Huzaifah's size, in the "buy 1 get 1 free" bargain bin. Asked the sales assistant what's the price of the pyjamas since there was no price tag. She took the pyjamas, tried to find a price tag (which I already did), failed (just like I did) and asked me to check with the cashier.

Went to the cashier and asked her to check for the price of the pyjamas. She tried to look for a price tag to scan, did not find one and said, "Sorry, I don't know the price".

"Can you please check it in the register or something?"

"Ok, let me try."

She asked the sales assistant, who was not far from me (it was only a small shop in Kuala Terengganu after all), who just shrugged and answered she didn't know the price. She did not check for other similar pairs in the bargain bin. She did not bother checking with a price list book/register or something. She just shrugged and said "dok tau".

The cashier shrugged and said sorry, they don't know the price (so I couldn't buy it)

Okay, maybe they did not bother trying harder because it was not their shop. So, they lost a customer, so what? They still get their salary by the end of the month, so who cares, right?

But really, it was kind of frustrating.

(By the way, Ayah had a similar experience in a warung earlier on. He thought of stopping for keropok lekor and air nyiur on a road side stall, but the shopkeeper was keener on keeping on chatting with other customer than greeting new ones. When Ayah asked what they were selling, the shopkeeper just shrugged. Ayah immediately left the warung.)

Nota kaki:
* Mayang Sari Resort in Dungun might lack in terms of services, but the food there is not bad, not bad at all.
* While in Terengganu, try not to miss trying out KLCC and ICT...
That's "Keropok Lekor Cicah Cuka" and "Ikan Celup Tepung".
* They are still selling ice cream potong for 20 sen in Terengganu. Seriously! It was so unbeliaveably cheap, I gave a second look at the seller when she answered "dua poseng" when I asked for the price. The same ice-cream might have costed 60 or 80 sen in KL

Notes for her (& self)

You asked me how did I cope, so here are some pointers which I hope you can benefit from. Some of these pointers, I've learned from reading, some by observing others and some as told by others. These are only my pointers - they might or might not work with you, but you asked me for these, so here they are...


* Remember that our husband is not the ultimate "tempat bergantung". The ultimate "tempat bergantung" is with Allah. So, in trying time, seek Allah's help, let it all out to Allah - He is always there for us. Husband and kids after all, are only "temporary loans" from Allah. He could take them back any time He wants to, hence we have to surrender it all to Allah.


* We may not be able to change our partner's unpleasant attitude, so what we can do is to make do'a that he will change for the better some day. Never underestimate the power of do'a for Allah is Most Listening.


*Although we can't change him, we can change our own perceptions and reactions. Like, when we can't make him share household chores, then, maybe we can remind ourselves that we are doing all these out of love and charity. Without the "nawaitu" of doing them as "sadaqah", it might seem burdensome, but if we look at them as an investment of sort for us later in the hereafter, maybe the chores will be less burdensome...


* Try to be more creative in meeting his and our own irks and quirks. If he keeps using the towel put on the bed meant for your own use after the shower, start putting two towels. If he keeps using your mug in the morning, buy two similar mugs. (But do kindly ask him to use his own toothbrush)


* Just do what needs to get done. Dishes and dirty clothes find a way to multiply if they are left unattended. Try not to spend more time putting off the job than it would actually take if you just do it. Instead of making the bad seem worse, and your relationship more strained in the process (because he did not do them when it was his turn to do so), not to mention wasting precious time - just do what needs to be done.

* Compliment him on his achievements when he gets stuff done in the house, especially those he did out of his own initiatives. Remember that guys prefer us to remember them as the knight in shining armor, so chances are if we keep polishing those armor, he might want to keep being in his 'shining armor' behaviour.

* In trying times, keep reminding ourselves of his positive traits. Well, he might sleep a little extra, or have time to stay awake for soccer at midnight but not for chores, or play games on our phones but forget to recharge them - but at other times, he cooks, or massages, or change the baby's diapers, or tidy up the house. Most of all, he stays loyal to us and love us for who we are.

* In trying times, before we "terlepas cakap", ask ourselves would we say such thing if he's not going to be with us tomorrow? Many wives realized their own weaknesses and became more forgiving of their husbands after they were left by the husbands. We should be forgiving when we are still with each other, and try to keep making the relationship better and healthier.

* When we give, don't expect any return. Let Allah do all the 'calculation'. It is not for us to say that we are doing a lot more when he is doing little or nothing. If we keep on "mengungkit", a lot of things might amount to nothing, yet when he does a little, but sincerely and with all his heart, it might counts more. Let Allah do all the 'calculation', we just keep on giving what we can. After all, it is always better to give than to receive, right?

Notes for him

"I feel abandoned. He makes time for his buddies, he has time to watch tv after work, he doesn't mind taking office stuff back home, but he doesn't really care about me. Or else he would've contributed more at home and really make time for me. They said that husbands and wives should be each other's garment, but I don't feel warm and protected by mine."

"Sometimes, I just feel like crap because I work hard too, I have sacrificed too, and I am fried too, and while I do things for him, it feels like he never thinks to do anything just because it needs to get done at home. He'll do it if I ask him to - or more likely, ask him two, three times, then snark or yell at him. Which ends up making me feel like a shrew. I don't want that identity. I did not sign up for that marriage."

"Everytime I ask for his help, he would procrastinate. Then in the end, I would be the one who do it because he would fall asleep. But he could stay awake at midnight - to watch soccer or play games. Why do I stay with him? To be his slave?"

#####

Dear H, A and O (respective husbands to A, E and I)

I admit that I've only been married for less than five years and thus may not be the best marriage 'counsellor'. But your wife let off her steam to me, and while I talked on a different note to her, I was actually quite mad at you too, for making my friend felt that way.

In the first place, you married each other because you wanted to fulfill a religious obligation. An obligation that states that you, the husband, must fulfill the nafkah of your wife, and subsequently, nafkah of the children.

In meeting the economical needs - nafkah zahir - it's quite difficult to depend on just one salary nowadays, so you give permission to your wife to work and earn extra income. But giving permission for her to work does not mean that you are giving her half the responsibility. She does it out of charity, out of love for her family.

In fulfilling the nafkah of your wife, you must remember not to just fulfill the physical needs, but also the emotional and spiritual needs - nafkah zahir. To go on in a life, you need food and shelter; to go on living together, surely you need a lot more.

Now, since your wife is a working mother, then you must be more considerate towards her. You feel tired from a day's work, she feels that too. You feel frustrated and weary from work, she feels that too. So stop making lame excuses in sharing the load of household chores. How can a man - who has naturally been built stronger and more energetic - sit quietly while the weaker wife works hard at home, after a hard day's work in the office?

Do what needs to be done, preferably without being asked. You wake up later than her, you make the bed. You see socks on the floor, you put them in the washing machine. You see the toys cluttered, you clean them up. You see unwashed plates, you wash them up. Why do you have to wait to be asked or told what to do? You know you don't like to be 'ordered', so don't give her any space to 'order' you around.

And time is of an essence. If she asked you to do the dishes after breakfast since you go to work later than her, don't wait until the evening to get it done. Your house is not a restaurant - you don't wait to get served by others. You serve yourself and you clean up after yourself, by yourself.

When she asks for your help around the house, she's asking for support, for understanding. When she pleads for a massage, a foot rub, she's seeking for intimacy. In short, she needs to know and reassured that she's loved, cherished and appreciated.

Don't blame her for not wanting to spend more intimate times with you when you yourself do not spend much un-intimate times with her. Don't blame her for feeling tired all the times when you refused to tire yourself with some of the chores. Women are emotional creatures, if we are drained emotionally, chances are, we would be drained physically too.

Husband and wife both share the responsibility to make marriage work. Learn from our beloved Rasulullah s.a.w.. He never shied away from household chores, he even mended his own clothes. When breakfast was not prepared due to lack of food, he said that he would fast. When he returned late one night, he slept in front of the house, not wanting to disturb the wife's sleep. He said that the best amongst Muslim is the one who is kind to his wife.

So, what else do you need to persuade you to be kind to yours?
Being kind is part of proving your love for her. After all, love is a verb.
Love - the feeling - is a fruit of the verb.

Apakah?

Dear Z,

You appeared in my dream a few days ago.
I seldom dream, so it was a surprise of sort to have you entering my dream.
It's not like I was thinking of you or anything
In fact, when I woke up, I wondered why you of all people.

In my dream, you told me, "I'm marrying a beautiful girl. She's a lot younger than you. Prettier. Kinder"


I frowned. Perplexed.


You continued, "She could accept me for who I am. Unlike you. You quickly jumped to conclusion upon hearing about me from other people. You did not give me any chance to tell my side of story. You refused to listen to my explanation. You must think that you are better than me. Well, let me tell you that you are no better than me. And I am marrying someone better than you."

Astaghfirullahal'azim...
I woke up before I could respond to that.
Which was kind of frustrating, despite it being a silly "mainan tidur".
(I guess I forgot to wash my feet before going to be the previous night...)

Anyway Z, I want you to know that initially what I heard from others about you was really shocking, that I guess it wouldn't be wrong for you to assume that I looked at you with disdain back then. But that was not for long. I was later reminded by a friend that we are only human and we all make mistakes, and it is not for us human being to judge others. Only Allah has the right to judge us, His creations. And who are we to look down upon others when Allah might have forgiven that person for all his or her wrong doings by accepting his or her taubat, where else there is no guarantee as yet that Allah might have accepted our own taubat.

So Z, if it's true that you are getting married (finally!) to someone who is younger, prettier, kinder, better than me - that's good for you. I'm happy for you. Alhamdulillah.

I want you to know that I do not think that I'm better than you. I have no right to think such thought. We are all equal and the only thing that could differentiate us is taqwa, yet only Allah knows where we stand in terms of taqwa. I am sorry if I have left a different impression on you before. I apologize for all my wrongdoings, and I make doa that we will always be blessed and guided to the right path.

You take good care bro.

Teruja

"Tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, Peraturan 4A, Peraturan-peraturan Pegawai Awam (Kelakuan dan Tatatertib) 1993 menjelaskan bahawa pejawat awam dilarang melakukan perbuatan bersifat seksual menyebabkan seseorang yang waras tersinggung, terhina atau terugut"

"Initipatinya ialah - tersinggung, terhina, terugut. Tak kisah lah sama ada perbuatan bersifat seksual ini secara lisan, bertulis, SMS dan tidak terhad di tempat kerja atau pada waktu kerja."

"Kalau teruja, macam mana?"

Seisi kelas tergelak besar.

Dan itu yang ramai bimbangkan.
Bila gangguan seksual tidak lagi dianggap gangguan.

Dan ramai juga bimbangkan.
Kes-kes melibatkan hubungan dua insan.
Yang bermula dengan 'ter'kasihan
membawa kepada 'ter'suka, 'ter'sayang, 'ter'cinta
dan 'ter'kahwin.
Lebih parah, kalau sampai terlanjur.
Dan jadi pula kes 'ter'gugur atau 'ter'buang.

Of birthday & Mother's day

"Keluarga abang tak biasa sambut-sambut birthday ke apa day ke."

That was what hubby told me long time ago, when we were newly married.
It was a warning of sort - not to expect much from him regarding birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
I told him that in my family, it's a tradition to have some makan-makan to sort of celebrate our birthdays. I said "sort of" because it's not necessarily held on the birthday itself, but still it was called "rai birthday". Since Ayah's birthday is on the 5th, Mak's on the 12th and mine on the 10th, May is one month we seldom miss having at least one makan-makan session (usually it is just one makan-makan session, anyway).

This year, my younger brother Abang decided to play host for the family makan-makan session to celebrate Ayah's, Mak's and my birthday - on a day that happened to be Ayah's birthday. Since I was already at my parents' house in Kampung Tunku, just finished attending a short course in Bukit Kiara, we decided to just go some place in PJ although initially Abang was thinking of giving a treat of Nasi Arab at Saba restaurant in Cyberjaya. Mak and Ayah are big fans of Nasi Arab aka Nasi Mandy lately, and Mak prefers Saba in Cyberjaya than going to the famous Al Rawsha in KL. Besides we had some bad experience there - really bad service and an incident involving Huzaifah and a little girl with a rude father. Anyway, there's another Middle Eastern restaurant that Mak recommended to us - Al Diafah in Seri Petaling (note to self: maybe should take my parents there as my treat), but that night, since we did not make any reservation ahead in time, we decided to just belasah ajelah any suitable place in Sunway Pyramid.

We ended up having dinner at Thai Thai. Abang, who was in Cyberjaya for a metting, picked hubby in Putrajaya, and his wife and kid in Kelana Jaya before meeting the rest of the family - Mak, Ayah, Adik, my kids and I - at Sunway Pyramid. What can I say about Thai Thai? Good food, not bad service, reasonable price with staff who are quite friendly and patient with hyperactive kids. Ayah really enjoyed his meal, Mak had some complaint about the staff who started cleaning up the area (the shop was already closed, we were the last to leave the place) even before we finished eating, but all in all it was a good makan-makan session.

#####

Since my birthday this year is on the second Sunday of May, it was also Mother's day.

Mak never taught me to celebrate Mother's day.
"A mother should be celebrated everyday, all year long. Not merely on one day, every year," or so Mak claimed.
And I couldn't agree more.

Mak too said that one should not be too keen on celebrating his or her own birthday.
"What right do you have to celebrate your own birthday? You just happened to be born on that day. It was your mother who went through all the pain of bringing you to the world," or so Mak would repeat the words of Sheikh Yusof Estes.

Hubby thought of taking me out - just the two of us - for a birthday treat. I had to take a rain cheque on that because on my birthday, he was in Seremban while the kids and I were with my parents in Pontian. My aunt's husband, Pakcik Me'at was admitted to the hospital for diabetes, so when Mak invited me to go balik kampung to visit him, I agreed. It's the weekend off for our bibik, so I thought being with Mak and her helper is a better option than having to care for all three kids on my own, and hubby reluctantly agreed.

I thought of a few things on my birthday, among others, to call my biological mother to thank her for going through the pain to bring me to this world.
Unfortunately, I left my handphone in the office, so that had to be postponed.
I asked Huzaifah to sing "happy birthday yu yu" to Ibu, but everytime I prompted with singing "happy birthday to you...", he smiled cheekily and started singing "A B C D E F G..." instead.
Bertuah punya anak.

We ended up having an even bigger makan-makan on the night of my birthday.
Two retired teachers who used to teach in Sungai Batu identified my uncle Ayah Jang as the grandson of Che Uda, the Penghulu of Sungai Batu back when they were teaching there. They contacted Ayah Jang, who still remember them and then held a family gathering in Putrajaya Lake Club. A jejak kasih reunion of sort for the teachers (with their respected family), my grand uncle, Tok Lang, Ayah and his siblings. The younger generation - my cousins and I- merely enjoyed a makan-makan session with the family. I left the kids with Mak's helper at home, otherwise I don't think any of us could eat in peace at the Lake Club. Ayah Jang ordered lots of dishes to go with rice, but I opted to sit at the far back, the assigned a la carte area, and had Cantonese Kuey Teow as per Mak's recommendation. Although the makan-makan was not held to celebrate my birthday, it was one I really enjoyed. Away from the kids for a while, able to sit back, relax, chit-chat with aunts, uncles, cousins on various matters. I found it quite amusing to notice that none of my aunts got my age right when I told them that it was my birthday - all of them thought I'm younger. Hmm, I wonder if that is because perhaps they think if their niece hasn't age that much, then they too could not have aged that much...

I used to think that age is just a number. But not anymore. Age is something that happens only once. Like Mak always point out to me if she's not happy with the way I take care of the kids, "They are only 3 year old once in their life". The same goes whether one reaches 10, 20 or 30 years old. At any particular age, we must try to achieve something so that it counts; age is a blessing that must not be wasted on too much lying around doing nothing. Or too much sleeping.
Which means I have to start doing something because I don't think I have achieve something significant yet this year. And that might start with losing some weight, since I really need to lose those baby fat I've accumulated when I was pregnant with Haniyya...

#####

This morning, as I walked in the office and checked on my phone, I found 3 text messages wishing me happy birthday and a few others wishing happy mother's day.
I found myself praying that all those prayers and wishes sent my way will come true, insya Allah.